The Forbidden girl-crush. The crush you have that is completely wrong on so many levels. The crush that you cannot tell a single soul about because you know that they would just laugh in your face. The crush that you are embarrassed to have because you’re not quite sure how it came about.. Especially when it come out of fucking nowhere. That crush that comes about when you are sitting next to an “unattainable”(The name for the people that deep down you know will never be able to reciprocate) and you just look up at them and think, “God damn you are fucking beautiful.. What it would be like to fuck you.” *blushes* That is a real thought I have had before. I have literally experienced the trifecta of all unattainables in the last year. Married. Straight. And Co-worker. (Authors Note: I would like to buy a vowel and add “virgin” to the list of obstacles. Not unattainables, but obstacles… I can charm the pants off anyone. MOTHERFUCKING PUN INTENDED)
*I literally just laughed out loud at myself.
Anyways, I always fall for someone under one of those categories… Like… It would be nice to fall for a nice single gal or gent.. But unfortunately, that’s not how most of my crushes end up. I say “crush” because in these situations, I’m not looking for a relationship. I’m looking for quality time or sex. You know, every time I start to feel that godforsaken feeling of admiration for someone forbidden, I try to shut that shit down right away. Notice I said “try”. The next thing that I do is mentally overcome the “obstacles” that separate me from that person being attainable. And by attainable, I don’t mean available…I mean willing. So here is my thought process on it whenever a GIRL-crush comes about. I’ll talk about boy crushes in a later blog.
This is the hardest of the obstacles to overcome. Some women are so set in their ways that the thought of even trying anything with a woman is definitely not a possibility. I don’t care if you are single, married, divorced, etc.. If you are curious about chick-sex…experiment, it can be a lot of fun if you trust the person you choose to engage with. The truth is, most women have the curiosity but not the opportunity to try things out. Bottom line though, if someone identifys as “straight” thats where the crush has to stop, because nothing will come of it. This is the hardest realization to come to. It literally hurts, when you want something so bad. Onto the next obstacle.
This obstacle is somewhat difficult to overcome. If someone is married, sometimes (not usually), they might have an open relationship. And if they don’t sometimes in heterosexual relationships, the male doesn’t mind if the woman experiments with another women. You know.. Dudes and the whole girl on girl fantasy.. Lol. I’ve known people that are ok with the woman being with another woman as long as the man is still in the room. Which is a double plus for me.. I get to have fun with someone’s wife or girlfriend, and then there’s the whole exhibitionist aspect of it. Onward ho.
Co-Worker or Professional Relationship
This obstacle is the least hard to overcome, mostly due to the fact that if both people are willing, it’s an easy secret to keep. I once “dated” a co-worker in a workplace that strictly forbid employee relationships. In fact, the better way to explain it point blank is… I was sleeping with my manager. We kept it a complete secret for many months, and only agreed to admit to it once we were both no longer working there. However, I have slept with people with jobs that I can NEVER tell a single soul about. If someone decides to breach their job contract in the aspect of having sexual relations with co-workers, employees, clients, or patients, I am bound in secrecy. Lucky for them, I’m great at keeping dirty little secrets.
Some people would consider age a determining factor. I used to, so I get it.. But I no longer do. As long as both parties are willing, why the hell not.
In conclusion.. I understand that my ideas on the matter are a little warped, but thats truly what it is like to be bi-sexual in a location where not many people are willing to admit that they a gay, bi, trans, etc. But let me leave you with this little thought. People with obstacles are much more fun to pursue than the people that are willing from the start. Hehe!