When He Said Goodbye…

     Standing in the kitchen, I begin looking through the cupboards and realize that I don’t have anything that I don’t have to cook. I hate cooking. I would rather pay more to eat out than to have to cook something. I open the freezer and see and old package of hashbrowns. ‘That should do,’ I think to myself. I pull the bag out and realize that I don’t really know how to cook them right to make them crispy just like you would get at a restaurant. I decided to call Sam, afterall, he was a fantastic cook and would surely know how to tell me to cook them. I dial his phone number.

“Hello?” He answered.

“Hey, I have a really dumb question. How do I cook hashbrowns to make them crispy?”

“You’re gonna need peanut oil. That’s a sure way to make them perfect,” He said.

“Oh, well that’s simple enough,” I said with excitement.

“B? I want you to know that I plan to move to Utah around the end of August,”

“What? What are you talking about, Sam?”

“I knew you wouldn’t take it well, but I just wanted to be straightforward with you. Things aren’t going so well for me here.”

“Why Utah,” I questioned.

“If you wanna talk, that’s fine. I worry about you a lot, B. Go ahead and roll your eyes, but it just seems like a better place for me. Plus my brother and his new wife said I could live there with them temporarily till I find a place of my own, and I just…”

“..Ok, well best of luck.” I said sarcastically.

“You can’t be serious. ‘Best of luck?’ That’s it?”

“I don’t know what you want me to fucking say to you. You’re just gonna take off like nothing ever happened.. like we never happened. I’ll never see you again.” I began to sob.

“I’ll miss you too, B. I understand that you’re upset, but I just wanted you to know now. I wasn’t just going to up and leave without telling you.”

“You pretty much are! That’s only a few weeks away. So we’re just done? That’s it? You’re giving up our friendship and everything?” I pulled the phone from my ear and held it to my chest as tears fell down my cheeks and and pooled at the base of my neck.
“B, I’m gonna level with you for once. I’m always running from something. I can’t accept myself for who I am; my flaws, and imperfections. I get scared when people close to me start to see how far from ‘perfect’ I am. That’s not my only reason for moving though, but I’ll admit, it’s a big one.”

I continued to cry, not knowing what to say.

“Do you want me to pick you up and we can talk about it over a drive?” Sam asked sincerely.

“What else is there to say. You’re leaving me here, and that’s it.” I hung up the phone and threw my phone across the room. This is it, I’ll never see him again.


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