Theres no guarantee that this will be easy. In fact the last year of my life has been the hardest year of my entire existence. The thing about a broken heart is that even when its healed, theres still visible scars left behind. Maybe the whole journey isn’t just about the pain, maybe its about learning to see the gray in a black and white world. Learning what its like to be broken down brick by brick until there is nothing but a dark hole beneath what once was a strong, independently standing structure.
You soon learn to fill that hole.. Not necessarily with the most durable materials, but you fill it. You fill it with drunken nights and long showers and you self-depricate until you know that you are now 100% in control of your own destruction. Once you gain that control, from there you begin to heal. Maybe its picking yourself up just one night of the week to make an appearance in a public place, or maybe its waking up 30 minutes early to make sure you have a nice breakfast before a long day at work..
You still have every doubt in the world that anybody is worth trusting. That may never go away. Once you are let down repeatedly by someone you never thought would hurt you, you learn to live virtually alone. You learn to hide in the dark, because you’re afraid of the light. Terrified of what lies beyond your doorstep. Everyday encounters with friends and coworkers become rehearsed. You learn to say “I’m good”, and not even the worlds best lie detector could catch on. But somehow, amongst the chaos, it ends up okay in the end.. or so they say.
Then comes a time where you need to choose between turning the page or closing the book.. -Lennox