I hadn’t seen him in over a year. This man, who once held my heart would soon be back in the place where our whole relationship took root. I saw him and the first hug took me to a place of nostalgia that I never know I could relive. I didn’t know that within his embrace that I could feel such relief. I took a deep breath and exhaled. It felt like a ton of bricks that I didn’t even know was there were lifted.
I was sure that I no longer had feelings for him. Its just different now. To me, he’s home.
He represents all the comfort & safety I’ve been so longing to feel since my last breakup. My heart is still so incredibly broken. Theres not a day that goes by that I don’t think of calling Her. We will call her “Her” for the sake of not finding a better name. Theres a part of me thats no longer here. She still possesses that part of me- its in the palm of her hand. Its the part of me that is the ability to feel happy; the part that lets me love myself, let alone someone else.
Being hopelessly in love with someone who doesn’t want you could quite possibly be the worst feeling in the world. In the past few months, a few family members passed away- one last night in fact. I don’t understand why I haven’t cried or why it just doesn’t hurt like it should. I realized that the reason I don’t feel sad is because in the last 8 months, I’ve felt real sorrow. A sorry so deep in my bones that nothing can even touch me. I have so much callous on my heart that the only thing to break this… is Her.